The good news? Empathy can be taught.
And you don’t need a book, a workshop, or a fancy curriculum. You just need words — the right ones, spoken at the right moment. Everyday conversations can become powerful tools for helping kids stretch beyond their own point of view.
Here are five conversation starters you can use with your child to build empathy — starting today.
1. “How do you think your friend felt when that happened?”
Kids are naturally wired to focus on their own experience. That’s not selfish — it’s developmentally normal. But with the right nudge, they can begin to look outward.
Let’s say your child tells you, “We didn’t let Ava play the game because she was being annoying.” Instead of jumping in with a lecture, try asking:
“How do you think Ava felt when you didn’t let her join?”
This small shift turns the spotlight. It invites your child to pause, rewind the scene, and imagine it from someone else’s point of view. You’re not scolding them — you’re guiding them to reflect.
And don’t stop at the question. If they shrug or say “I don’t know,” follow up:
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“Have you ever felt left out like that?”
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“What might help Ava feel better next time?”
This kind of reflection helps build emotional awareness and encourages children to tune into others’ feelings — a foundational piece of empathy.
2. “What would you do if you were in their place?”
This one’s a classic for a reason. It encourages kids to role-play empathy — to imagine themselves living someone else’s experience.
Let’s say your child complains, “Max got really mad because he didn’t win the game. He threw the controller and left.” Before labelling Max’s behaviour as bad, ask:
“What would you do if you were Max?”
Even if your child says, “I wouldn’t do that,” keep going:
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“What do you think made him so upset?”
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“Have you ever felt like that?”
This question shifts kids from judging others to understanding them. It also encourages them to think through emotional responses, which builds emotional intelligence.
You're helping them realize: people don’t act out for no reason — there’s always a “why” behind it.
3. “How would you feel if that happened to you?”
This is where empathy hits home. When kids connect someone else’s feelings to their own emotions, it gets real.
Imagine your child says, “We laughed when Ben spilled his drink. It was so funny.”
Here’s your moment:
“How would you feel if you spilled your drink and people laughed at you?”
You’re not shutting down their story — you’re opening it up. You’re helping them see the impact of their actions in a way that resonates emotionally.
Kids may not always be ready to admit, “That would hurt.” But planting the seed helps them begin to understand the cause and effect of emotions. Over time, they’ll be more likely to stop and think before laughing, teasing, or dismissing someone else’s feelings.
4. “What’s one kind thing we can do to help them?”
Empathy is more than just understanding how someone feels — it’s about caring enough to do something.
If your child tells you about a classmate whose dog just died, or a friend who got hurt at recess, ask:
“What’s one kind thing we can do to help?”
This teaches your child that emotions are tied to action. Feeling bad for someone is good — doing something kind is better.
And the “one kind thing” doesn’t have to be big:
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Drawing a card
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Sitting with someone at lunch
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Sending a message to check in
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Sharing a toy or a snack
These small gestures make a big impact. They show your child that they have the power to make someone’s day better — just by choosing kindness.
5. “Why do you think they acted that way?”
This question helps kids dig deeper. It shifts the conversation from “what someone did” to “why they might have done it.”
Kids often interpret others’ actions at face value: “He’s mean,” “She’s bossy,” “They’re weird.” But rarely do they stop to ask why someone might be behaving that way.
Try flipping the narrative:
“Why do you think she was being bossy today?”
Then follow up:
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“Do you think something happened before school?”
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“Could she be feeling left out or nervous?”
This approach helps kids move from judgment to curiosity — from labelling to understanding.
Not every “why” has a clear answer. But just asking the question teaches children that there’s more to people than what we see on the surface. It opens the door to compassion, patience, and grace.
Final Thought: It’s the Little Conversations That Count
You don’t need a deep philosophical discussion to teach empathy. You don’t need a perfectly timed TED Talk for kids.
What you need are small, consistent conversations that plant seeds. Questions that invite reflection. Words that shift the focus from “me” to “we.”
The five prompts above aren’t magic spells, but they are powerful tools. Use them often. Use them casually. Use them in the car, at dinner, before bed, or on a walk.
The more your child practices thinking about other people’s feelings — and what they can do in response — the more naturally empathy will become part of how they see the world.
Empathy is not just something kids learn. It’s something they live.
And it starts with a simple question.
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