Sue's Imaginarium

  “Come on, Efua!” Nana held out the purple marker and pushed it towards her. Efua stared at it. Then she looked at the classroom wall. Mrs Mensah had stepped outside to speak to another teacher. Most of the children were busy packing their bags, laughing and talking before the final bell. But Efua, Nana and Abena were standing beside the class noticeboard. And right in the middle of the board was Mr Boateng's photograph. Nana grinned. “Just draw a big moustache on him!” Abena covered her mouth, trying not to laugh. Efua didn't. “That isn't funny,” she whispered. “Oh, Efua!” Nana rolled her eyes. “It's just a joke.” “But we'll get in trouble.” “No one will know.” Nana pushed the marker closer. Efua shook her head. “No.” Nana's smile disappeared. She folded her arms. “Fine.” Efua felt relieved. Until Nana said the words that made her stomach tighten. “If you're really my friend, prove it.” The Friendship Test Efua had been friends with Nana since the beginnin...

 Most parents want to raise kind children. We teach them to share. We encourage them to apologise. We tell them to be respectful, helpful, considerate and polite. When they give up the last biscuit for a sibling or comfort a crying friend, we are proud of them. And rightly so. But there is an important lesson that needs to sit beside kindness: You can be a good person and still say no. Without this lesson, a child can slowly begin to believe that being kind means keeping everyone happy—even when it makes them uncomfortable, exhausted or unhappy. That is where kindness can quietly turn into people-pleasing . Kindness and People-Pleasing Are Not the Same Thing A kind child may share because they genuinely want to. A people-pleasing child may share because they are afraid the other child will stop liking them if they don't. A kind child may help a friend with homework. A people-pleasing child may allow a friend to repeatedly copy their homework because they are afraid to say no. A kin...

 At some point, almost every child will feel the pressure to fit in. It may begin with something seemingly harmless. “Everyone in my class has one.” “My friends said this is what we're wearing.” “Nobody else likes that.” “They'll laugh at me.” “If I don't do it, they won't want me in their group.” As parents, these comments can easily be dismissed as childhood drama. But to a child or teenager, belonging matters enormously . School is a significant part of their world, and being accepted by their peers can feel incredibly important. The challenge is not teaching children that they should never care what other people think. We are human beings, and wanting to belong is natural. The real challenge is helping children understand that belonging should never require them to lose themselves. Why Do Children Feel So Much Pressure to Fit In? Children are constantly learning who they are. As they grow, friends and classmates become increasingly influential. They notice what othe...