Dared by Your Friends? How to Handle Dares Without Losing Yourself - A Sue’s Imaginarium Guide to Peer Pressure, Values, Courage and Making Wise Choices.
Dares can seem exciting.
“I dare you to do it!”
“Come on! Don't be scared!”
“Everyone else has done it.”
“If you're brave, prove it!”
You might hear words like these at school, at a sleepover, in the park, in a group chat or while hanging out with friends.
Some dares are harmless and silly. Someone might dare you to sing a song in a funny voice, dance for ten seconds or try an unusual food.
But other dares can put you in uncomfortable, embarrassing, dangerous or even harmful situations.
That is why every child and teenager should learn an important lesson:
You don't have to accept a dare just because someone gives you one.
Being dared doesn't take away your right to make your own decision.
What Is a Dare?
A dare is a challenge where someone asks or encourages another person to do something, often to prove that they are brave, confident or willing to take a risk.
For example:
“I dare you to sing in front of everyone.”
“I dare you to message your crush.”
“I dare you to climb that wall.”
“I dare you to take something from the shop.”
“I dare you to send that picture.”
“I dare you to knock on that stranger's door and run.”
These are all dares, but they don't carry the same level of risk.
That is why you need to think before you act.
The question shouldn't simply be:
“Can I do it?”
Ask instead:
“Should I do it?”
That one question can protect you from many bad decisions.
Why Do People Dare Their Friends?
There are many reasons.
Sometimes friends are simply trying to have fun.
Sometimes they want to see whether you are brave enough to try something.
But there can also be other reasons.
Someone may dare you because they want entertainment.
Someone may dare you because they don't want to take the risk themselves.
Someone may want to embarrass you.
Someone may want to record what you do and share it.
Someone may be testing how easily they can pressure you.
And sometimes, the whole group gets caught up in the excitement without stopping to think about what could happen next.
This is why you must learn to think for yourself.
STORY TIME: “IF YOU'RE BRAVE, DO IT!”
Twelve-year-old Kofi was walking home with three friends when they passed an abandoned building.
One of the boys pointed towards a broken window.
“I dare you to go inside.”
Kofi laughed.
“No way.”
Immediately, another boy shouted:
“Are you scared?”
The others laughed.
“Come on, Kofi. You're always acting tough. Prove it!”
Kofi looked at the building.
There was broken glass around the entrance. Parts of the roof looked damaged.
He knew going inside wasn't a good idea.
But he also didn't want his friends calling him a coward.
For a moment, Kofi started walking towards the building.
Then he stopped.
Why am I about to do something dangerous just because somebody else wants me to?
He turned around.
“Call me scared if you want. I'm not going in there.”
His friends laughed.
Kofi shrugged.
They eventually walked away.
Later that evening, Kofi thought about what had happened.
He realised something important:
Sometimes courage isn't accepting the dare. Sometimes courage is refusing it.
Know Your Principles and Values Before the Dare Comes
One of the best ways to deal with peer pressure is to know what you believe before somebody pressures you.
Your values are the things you believe are important.
They might include:
honesty;
kindness;
respect;
safety;
responsibility;
self-respect;
loyalty;
courage;
fairness;
integrity.
Your principles are the rules that help you live according to those values.
For example:
If you value honesty, one of your principles might be:
“I don't deliberately lie to get someone else into trouble.”
If you value kindness, your principle might be:
“I don't humiliate people for entertainment.”
If you value safety, your principle might be:
“I don't take unnecessary risks just to impress people.”
If you value respect, your principle might be:
“I don't share someone's private photographs or messages.”
When you know your principles, decisions become easier.
Use the ALIGN Test
Before accepting a dare, ask:
Does this dare ALIGN with who I want to be?
Think about:
A — Am I comfortable with this?
Something feeling wrong is enough reason to stop and think.
L — Legal and allowed?
Could this involve stealing, trespassing, vandalism, hurting someone or breaking an important rule?
I — Is anyone at risk?
Could you or someone else be physically or emotionally hurt?
G — Goes with my values?
Does the dare match the kind of person you want to be?
N — Next: What could happen afterwards?
What happens after the laughter stops?
Could someone get hurt?
Could the video be shared?
Could you get into serious trouble?
Could someone's trust be broken?
Could you regret it tomorrow?
If the dare doesn't align with your principles and values:
DON'T DO IT.
“But They'll Think I'm Scared!”
Maybe they will.
And?
Being called scared doesn't mean you have to prove anything.
Imagine somebody dared you to run across a busy road.
Would doing it prove that you are brave?
No.
It might prove that you allowed somebody else's opinion to control your decision.
Real confidence sounds like:
“No. I'm not doing that.”
You don't need a ten-minute explanation.
You don't have to win an argument.
You don't have to convince everyone that you're right.
Sometimes your answer can simply be:
“No.”
Watch Out for Manipulative Dares
Be particularly careful when somebody says:
“If you're really my friend, you'll do it.”
“Don't be boring.”
“Nobody will find out.”
“Everyone else has done it.”
“I thought you were brave.”
“Do it or we're not friends anymore.”
These statements are designed to make you feel that you have something to prove.
But healthy friendship doesn't require you to abandon your principles.
A good friend can challenge you to try something positive.
They shouldn't repeatedly pressure you into doing things that frighten, humiliate, endanger or compromise you.
Be Especially Careful With Online Dares
Online challenges can spread incredibly quickly.
You may see hundreds or thousands of people participating and think:
“It must be okay.”
Not necessarily.
Popularity doesn't equal safety.
And remember: once something has been recorded and shared online, controlling where it goes can become difficult.
Never allow a dare to pressure you into sharing private information, intimate images, passwords, your location or content that could seriously embarrass or harm you or someone else.
If an online dare makes you uncomfortable or involves secrecy, threats, sexual content, dangerous behaviour or contact with strangers, stop and speak to a trusted adult.
What Can You Say When Someone Dares You?
You don't need complicated words.
Try:
“No, I'm good.”
“I'm not doing that.”
“That's not worth getting into trouble for.”
“You can do it if you want. I'm not.”
“That's against my values.”
“No thanks.”
“Call me boring. I'm still not doing it.”
And if the pressure continues?
Walk away.
Leaving isn't losing.
Sometimes leaving is how you protect yourself.
What If You Already Accepted a Bad Dare?
You are allowed to change your mind.
Even if you already said yes.
Even if everyone is watching.
Even if someone has started recording.
You can stop.
Say:
“I've changed my mind.”
You don't owe anyone dangerous behaviour simply because you agreed five minutes ago.
And if something has already gone wrong, don't hide it because you're frightened of getting into trouble.
Find a trusted adult and explain what happened.
Mistakes are easier to deal with when you ask for help early.
Sue's Strong Foundation Rule
Here is something I want you to remember:
Never allow someone else's dare to become your regret.
Before you do something, ask yourself:
Does this match my values?
Is it safe?
Is it kind?
Is it right?
Would I make this same decision if nobody were watching?
Will I still feel comfortable with this decision tomorrow?
If the answer is no, you already know what to do.
Don't do it.
You don't have to prove your bravery to your mates.
You don't have to risk your safety to earn friendship.
You don't have to abandon your principles to fit in.
The strongest person in the group isn't always the person who accepts the dare.
Sometimes, the strongest person is the one who can look at everyone else and confidently say:
“No. That's not for me.”
That is not weakness.
That is self-respect.
That is confidence.
That is having standards.
And that is part of building a strong foundation for the person you are becoming.
— Sue’s Imaginarium
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