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Teasing or Bullying? How to Tell the Difference - A Sue's Imaginarium Guide to Friendship, Kindness and Knowing When to Get Help.


Have you ever been laughed at and wondered, "Is this just a joke, or is this bullying?"

Sometimes it can be hard to tell. Friends often tease each other and laugh together. But sometimes, words and actions that start as "just a joke" can hurt. Learning the difference will help you know when to laugh along, when to speak up, and when to ask an adult for help.

What Is Teasing?

Teasing is when someone makes a playful joke about you. Friendly teasing happens between people who like each other, and everyone is laughing, including you.

Here are some examples of friendly teasing:

  • Your friend says, "You and your mangoes! You'd eat ten a day if you could!" and you both laugh because it's true.
  • Your brother jokes that you sing in the shower louder than a cockerel, and you laugh and sing even louder.
  • Your friend calls you "Captain Late" because you're always the last one to line up, and you think it's funny.

Friendly teasing is gentle. It doesn't make you feel small, and if you say, "Okay, that's enough," a good friend stops.

What Is Bullying?

Bullying is different. Bullying is when someone hurts you on purpose, again and again, and you find it hard to make them stop.

Bullying can be:

  • Words, such as name-calling, insults, or making fun of how you look, talk, dress, or where your family comes from.
  • Actions, such as pushing, hitting, kicking, taking or breaking your things.
  • Leaving someone out, such as telling others not to play with you or spreading rumours.
  • Online bullying, such as mean messages, embarrassing photos, or laughing at someone in a group chat.

Here are some examples of bullying:

  • Every day, a group of children call Yaw "Stinky" and hold their noses when he walks past.
  • Abena's classmates tell everyone not to sit with her at lunch.
  • Someone keeps sharing a funny photo of Kofi online after he has asked them to delete it.

Bullying makes a person feel sad, scared, lonely, or ashamed. It is never okay.

The Traffic Light Test

When you're not sure, think of a traffic light.

🟢 Green: friendly teasing
Everyone is laughing, including you. It's gentle, and it stops when you ask.

🟠 Amber: teasing that has gone too far
The joke has started to hurt. You're not laughing anymore, or the person keeps going after you've asked them to stop.

🔴 Red: bullying
It happens again and again. It's meant to hurt, embarrass or frighten you. You feel upset, scared, or you don't want to go to school.

You can also ask yourself these questions:

  1. Am I laughing too, or only pretending to laugh?
  2. Did they stop when I asked?
  3. Does this keep happening?
  4. Do I feel happy, or do I feel hurt, scared or small?

If your answers make you feel uneasy, trust that feeling.

What to Do in Each Case

🟢 If it's friendly teasing

You can laugh along and enjoy it. But remember, even good friends can sometimes go too far. It's always okay to say, "I don't find that funny anymore."

🟠 If the teasing has gone too far

Speak up calmly and clearly. You could say:

  • "Please stop. I don't like that."
  • "That's not funny to me."
  • "I've asked you to stop. Please respect that."

A true friend will say sorry and stop. If they keep going, it may be turning into bullying.

🔴 If it's bullying

Tell a trusted adult. This could be a parent, teacher, grandparent, school counsellor, or another grown-up you trust. Telling is not "snitching." It's asking for help, and you deserve help.

You can also:

  • Walk away and stay near friends or adults.
  • Don't fight back with hurtful words or fists, because this can make things worse.
  • Keep proof if the bullying happens online. Ask an adult to help you take screenshots, then block the person.
  • Keep telling until someone helps. If one adult doesn't listen, tell another.

Remember: bullying is never your fault. Nobody deserves to be bullied.

What If You See Someone Being Bullied?

You don't have to be the one being bullied to help. You can:

  • Refuse to laugh or join in.
  • Say, "Stop, that's not kind."
  • Invite the person to play with you or sit with you.
  • Send them a kind message to show you care.
  • Tell a trusted adult what you saw.

When you help someone, you are being an upstander, not a bystander. Even one kind person can make a big difference.

What If You Were the One Who Went Too Far?

Everyone makes mistakes. If you realise your joke hurt someone:

  1. Stop straight away.
  2. Say sorry and mean it.
  3. Think about how you would feel if it happened to you.
  4. Choose to be kinder next time.

Saying sorry doesn't make you weak. It shows you are strong enough to do the right thing.

Remember

  • Teasing is when everyone laughs together.
  • Bullying is when someone gets hurt again and again.
  • You always have the right to say "Stop."
  • Telling a trusted adult is brave, not babyish.
  • Kindness is always the best choice.

Talk About It

  1. Can you think of a time teasing was fun? What made it fun?
  2. Why do you think some people keep teasing after being asked to stop?
  3. Who are the trusted adults you could talk to if you were being bullied?
  4. What is one thing you could do to help someone who is being left out?
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